Monday, April 27, 2009

Party Down: Pack Your Picnic And Your Pistol

We’re planning a big party to celebrate the victory in the Tennessee Legislature for all of us who hold our guns as close as our families.

It will be held upon the close of the legislative session, and we hope you will bring your pistols with you as we are finally relieved of the unrighteous burden forced on us by an unfair state that prevented us from packing heat in our local parks.

Finally, our campaign to subvert the plans of Barack Obama to seize our AK-47’s is picking up momentum. Our prayers have been answered by the decision by our state legislature to allow us to take our handguns into parks.

Yes, we’re disappointed that we still can’t carry our assault weapons into our local parks, but we are confident that the wisdom and faithful leadership of our right-thinking legislators will right that wrong in next year’s session.

Do Unto Others

With God’s help, by next year at this time, we will have removed these unconstitutional hurdles to gun ownership, and by then, we can begin to put shooting galleries in our parks (or we could just turn our parks into shooting galleries, whichever comes first).

It seems clear to us that if we can return prayer to our schools and guns to our playgrounds, we can return to the traditional family values of God and guns that have made our nation what it is today.

Our “Party in the Park” gives all of us who revere the Second Amendment at all costs (It’s a gun, not a choice.) to pay tribute to the leadership of our two special God-fearing, gun-toting legislators – Senator Paul Stanley of Germantown and Rep. Mae Beavers of Mt. Juliet.

Pack Your Picnic Basket With Bullets

So pack your picnic basket and your handguns and come out for this special celebration. We’ll announce the exact day as soon as the Tennessee Legislature ends, but we already know the locations:

* Our West Tennessee party will be held in Riverdale Park in Germantown, a couple of blocks from Sen. Stanley’s home on 7511 Neshoba, and we hope he’ll send his two children over early for the special kids’ activities.

* Meanwhile, we’ll hold our special Middle Tennessee party at Whalen Park across from Rep. Beavers’ house on Hunters Place, and we look forward to welcoming her two sons for the children’s morning activities.

A Religious Experience

We look forward to demonstrating to our legislators the impact of their leadership, so gather up your firearms and come on down to join our party to thank them for their leadership in making sure that guns are as welcome in our parks as people are.

In case of rain, we’ll gather in a nearby restaurant, and thanks to the same legislators, you won’t have to leave your guns in your car.

Praise Jesus.


Anonymous said...

It's Riverdale Park, no need to post the guy's actual address, although I agree the "guns in parks" movement is ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

God, you are SUCH an ignorant bunch.

Cliff H. said...

You might consider getting one of those drunk detector filters that won't let you post anything to your blog if you have been drinking too much. That would be, in my opinion, the best way to prevent any similarly puerile posts from sullying the reputation of your blog in the future.

Good satire is powerful; bad satire makes you look ignorant. This is bad satire.

About handguns and parks--

I side with freedom of choice on this one. I don't think the government should prevent law-abiding adult citizens the right to choose as they wish regarding marijuana, other recreational drugs, abortion, gay marriage, self defense, and sexual behavior between consenting adults.

While I vehemently disagree with the attempts at theocracy that folks such as Stanley attempt to foist upon us through legislation, I find myself in agreement with his gang's view on allowing an adult the freedom to choose a handgun as a means of self defense.

Limiting an adult's ability to defend herself and her family in public places is too much government interference in a moral and ethical decision that should be an individual's choice.

I don't think the government should deny law-abiding citizens the choice of defending themselves and their families with handguns anywhere. If the citizen behaves well and acts in a legal, responsible manner, then the citizen should let their own morals be their guide in choosing to carry a handgun or not.

Just like a driver's license. Pass all the tests, pay your fees, and you then can drive anywhere forever, unless you really screw up- then the society might choose to limit your right to drive freely. We should treat guns the same, as an individual choice that is not abrogated unless the citizen behaves illegally.

Just as I believe the government should stay out of personal moral choices and let citizens make adult choices regarding abortion, drug use, and gay marriage, I think the government should not deny citizens the choice of carrying a handgun in self defense unless the citizen has proven somehow untrustworthy by behaving in a criminal manner.

Now, abortions in the park, I am not so sure about that one...

Anonymous said...

This is just ugly. I will pretend I didn't read this post.

As for guns and parks- people have been carrying them for years so now it's legal. Do I like it? No. But is it really a big deal? No.

Let's move on to bigger issues like the I-269 project.

Anonymous said...

I loved this one. Thanks. I offer to underwrite the party.


Smart City Consulting said...


We look at our murder rate and the fact that no country in the world has murder rates like our nation, and to us, it is a big deal. Too many guns too readily available.

Anonymous said...

Well, for one, I agree with you and that includes Stanley's address. If it didn't want it known, he shouldn't be in a public office.

Our Libertarian friend Cliff says that we everyone should have the right to bring guns in the park and protect themselves. While that sounds good in one sense, it seriously hurts public safety and interferes with the public's right to fully enjoy the park. If I am in a park in the future and see a rough looking character, I will be wondering if he has a gun and if he prone to use it with only slight provocation.

Statistically this new law will make our public parks and restaurants less safe, even if a few gun toting individuals will personally feel more secure.

It's a stupid law that will end up costing more money in law enforcement costs. So while some have a new "right," it infringes on the rights of others to enjoy public facilities.

Smart City Consulting said...

Satire? Who was trying to be satirical?

We're thinking about a gun party in these parks.

Cliff: As a noted psychologist, we're devastated that you didn't validate our feelings. Remember every one has a right to their own feelings. And believe me, we own these.

Smart City Consulting said...

Anonymous 4:59:

Thanks for the reality check. We were needing it.

By the way, for the record, we got the addresses of Sen. Beavers and Rep. Stanley off their websites, and we resisted the temptation to put the street address. Even we have some sense of decency, which is eroding as proven by guns in the park.

Anonymous said...

Good point, anonymous.

So there's now a right to have a gun in the park, so now we need cops to protect our families from people. Why do I have to pay more for something as stupid as this?

I guess we won't think it's a stupid law until somebody kills someone else becuase they thought he was threatening him. It will probably be a white killing a black and we just hope it's all worth this.

Don't you think that a lot of this is about some Germantown Republican who thinks he can't go to a Memphis park without a gun to protect himself? I know one thing - I'm encouraging every one to go to parks in Germantown and to please take their guns.

antisocialist said...

Gun rights secure all other rights.

But when did you ever give a care about liberty?

Anonymous said...

Gun rights didn't seem to have done much to protect our liberty for the past 8 years. In fact, the more guns, the fewer liberty. Get your facts right.

Zippy the giver said...

The people that commit gun crime in parks and most other places are not licensed carriers. A licensed carrier in a park who is in proximity when you get mugged by an unlicensed carrier can stop the mugger.
People should be forced to either carry everywhere or buy a gun safe.

antisocialist said...

Anon 10:03

I suspect that you are the one lacking in facts. Can you please provide the facts to demonstrate your assertion that more guns means "fewer liberty".

I eagerly await your response.

Anonymous said...

i think this is all about a Germantown state legislator who feels he must pack heat in a park just in case one of those folks he sold an off-shore CD to decides he wants his money back.

Mindy said...

Assault weapons in a park, where there are kids? What do you expect to happen at a city park that you need to carry an assault weapon or a hand gun? Just because you have the right to carry the weapon, doesn't mean every situation calls for it! Be smart,safe, and don't display yourself in public and the government wouldn't have these regulations. There is a story about a planned picnic in Wisconsin. They are not keeping it low key either.

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